She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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