he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
