Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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