we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
