I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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