can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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