I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
