and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
