I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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