i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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