Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
