Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
