ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
