Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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