I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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