eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
