I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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