Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
