okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
