is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
