I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
