are you so shy because you have an std?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
