pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize