Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
