Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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