4 words: hood of his car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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