u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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