Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't turn off my feet"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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