I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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