I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
There's even glitter on my cock...
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