I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
