toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
