I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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