The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
