She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
