Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
