Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize