on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize