Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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