Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
