i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
