Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
