so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
