just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You smell like stripper and shame
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
