i already hear my dad disowning me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
