get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
