Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
