I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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