ugly people sure do ruin things
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
