woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize