oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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