im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just google imaged poop.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
