My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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