my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
