If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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