Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
