I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
