you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
