I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
