That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
