I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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