TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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