yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
