Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize