Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
