I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize