No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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