you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk is a universal language darling
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
