even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
