He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
