So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize