Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
