I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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