just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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