btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
