Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
