I want to have your abortion
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
