i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think i have two assholes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
