I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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