I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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